mckarlie

I have happiness in my heart and a thorn in my soul

Writing is an exercise in human insanity

Some people write because they want to be a writer, they think Hemingway is cool as fuck and want to be revered. So me people write because they absolutely have to. When they take pen to paper or fingers to keys things just pour out of them, their soul gets cleansed (not that I believe in a soul as such but it works in a hyperbole sense) and they feel a little better. I write because there’s so much going on in my brain that if I don’t let some of it out, i fear my head may explode. I write to connect with other people and gain experience through these connections. I write because if I didn’t, I’d probably go loopdiloo cray cray and get locked up.

This is not to say that what I write is of any great importance or that I have any great success but recently, on advice from a ‘writer’ i gave a manuscript to a friend who now wants to show it to their literary agent. This makes me batshit crazy nervous.

Also, I received a link from another friend to a link for a website looking for freelance writers, so i decided to submit a couple of pitches. The first didn’t take off as it was opinion based and I’m no one in particular so no one is going to pay me for my opinion. The second is factual and I sourced references and all that shit i remember from studying psychology, so i’m waiting to hear on it at the moment.

My point is, the waiting, the possible success/failure, it’s a mix of exhilaration and nerve wracking insanity. Maybe it’s because I’m bipolar that I’m particularly sensitive to this, but i’m pretty sure this is a crazy process for most who go through it. I’m also sure there are people out there who are super fucking zen about all of this nonsense, who send off their manuscript and clip their frickin bonsai tree and don’t give it a second thought until they receive word, well kudos to you, really, i wish i could, but i err more on the side of batshit anxious crazy.
 

Does it ever get better? I’ve been writing forever but it’s only recently I’ve started showing or trying at all in a professional sense. I’ve had good feedback in the past, but more than anything i do it for me, so i’m quite new to other people’s opinions mattering.

4 Comments »