mckarlie

I have happiness in my heart and a thorn in my soul

Broken lover

If I had of known that would be the last time I’d ever see those eyes

I would have made an effort, I would have said goodbye

You kissed me on the lips, and said “I’ll see you soon”

I scoffed and said “we’ll see”, and with this sealed our doom

It felt like we were always fleeting moments here and there

We had good times in beds and bars but didn’t belong anywhere

This world had no place for the love of you and I

We kept telling ourselves we could make it work but knowing it was a lie

Your way of dealing with pain was to run and hide away

But by doing this you missed out on all the things I had to say

We never stopped for long enough to be comfortable with each other

You told me that you wanted to be more than just my lover

But when it came for actions, to back up all your words

I could not find you anywhere, sight unseen and words unheard

And so we danced our dance for as long as we could bear

And when I truly needed you, you weren’t there or anywhere

So I made the right decision, I chose to move away

You left me many messages with promise of another day

But while you remained frozen, stuck in the same place

I had found another love, a love of truth and grace

You tried and tried to bring me down

You tried and tried to pull me round

But finally I made the call and like a cancer cut you out

‘Cause all you brought was drama and that’s not what I’m about

22 Comments »

My pretend love affair

You smile as you pass by me in the hall

My stomach clenches then it falls

The smell of you left on the breeze

I feel myself falling with the greatest of ease

But I must keep it quiet, my secret to keep

I wish that I could kiss those lips and watch you while you sleep

I wish that I could run my hands, all over that skin

I wish that you would want me too so all of this could begin

But I will keep my mouth shut, and simply smile at you

For if I told you how I felt I’d not know what to do

If you didn’t feel the same way, if you shot me down

I’ll keep us just in my mind, running circles round and round

I dream that you stare me down and swiftly pull me tight

You whisper in my ear that the time is finally right

You feather kisses down my neck and onto my plump breast

You lay your face on my chest and make my nape your nest

We undress with anticipation and burgeoning fire and lust

We stare at each others naked bodies, aching with our lust

And then we’re in the throws of passion bodies stark and bare

And you know where and what to do, oh yes you thrill me everywhere

I imagine the climax of you and I, the look in your beautiful eyes

As you writhe and push and pull, do your work between my thighs

It’s amazing what things we do, safely in my head

If only I had the courage, to get you in my bed

 

8 Comments »

Be a lover

Beneath the skin and flesh and bone, we are all the same

But due to expectations some feel inadequate and plain

Others feel not smart enough, not witty or not bright

Others don’t feel they fit in, they never feel quite right

We shuffle past one another, looking at our feet

Before we even wage a battle we often accept defeat

Rely on a diagnosis as a reason not to try

On our illness we get comfortably numb and on this we rely

Let’s start to look each other in the eye as we walk by

Let’s ask each other how they’re doing, can I help you try?

In small steps we can amount, and truly make a change

Let’s not get stuck for ever but help each other turn the page

Let’s connect and truly care and show vulnerability

It’s not the easier path to choose but it’s the one of sensibility

To input a little good, into this messed up world

Together we can emerge from our pain and become unfurled

I know it seems an impossible task, the world seems too far gone

But one by one the little things can change what’s really wrong

We can’t obtain world peace but we can certainly help each other

So let’s make an effort to turn around, don’t be a fighter be a lover

2 Comments »

Fight for your happy

She floats through life in constant pain

She bathes in memories, stays the same

Flashes come and flashes go

She’ll never admit all that she knows

When she was little he had his way

It sometimes happened every day

Touched in a way no child should be

Haunted to this day by the depravity

Then her next “Father” he liked to hit

It chipped away at her bit by bit

She kept calling out for her Mother

But her Mother would never bother

So she accepted that she was worthless

She gave up on life and all it’s tests

She merely accepted her illness

And her absolute lack of wellness

She forgot she had the option to fight

She forgot to try for what was right

It all got lost along the way

She made plans for another day

A day that would never, ever come

Because she felt broken and undone

Until one day she remembered her voice

And on that day she made a choice

To take her stories lay them bare

Not caring of others would mock or stare

She shined a light right deep down

And found that people gathered ’round

To also tell tales and comment and share

She found that others truly care

And from the shackles she finally shook

All the broken pieces they took

And wiped herself clean shiny new

It’s something that was hard to do

And still she struggles to this day

But she has found a different way

Take the darkness and shine a light

And for your own happiness, you must fight

11 Comments »

Unwanted teacher

Some people simply go looking, searching for a fight

‘Cause they know that underneath there’s something that’s not right

So they make every effort, to feel above the rest

They make every effort to assert that they’re the best

They see a good way to build themselves up

As pulling others down and being abrupt

I’m sure they convince themselves, they’re educating the plebs

By sharing their google knowledge with all the social dregs

Don’t you see your problem here, does not lie with me?

You hide yourself behind the farce of knowledge and vanity’

You assume that I know less for you assume that you know more

But assumptions generally lead to a person others tend to abhor

So maybe take the time to actually listen and to hear

And don’t hide your flaws with bravado, it only shows your fear

Fear of being worthless, fear of being unlearned

Maybe people would listen to you if first they truly felt heard

9 Comments »

Letters to a stranger

Dear Dad, I know I never met you, you’ve never been in my life

You barely knew my Mother not your girlfriend nor your wife

But I have so many questions, some things I’d like to know

I wonder what you look like what your job is where you go

From day to day the people you see and those who you surround

I wonder why you never came to see me, why you never came around

It makes me wonder if there’s always been a fault under my skin

But logically I know it’s not me I just don’t know where to begin

My Grandpa once told me that I have my Father’s eyes

And I’m pretty sure things Mum said about you were nothing more than lies

She’s scared of me finding you and I can’t help but wonder why

I wish you would have said hello so I could have at least said goodbye

It feels as though there’s pieces of me scattered all over the place

I wonder what I inherited from you and if I have your face

My hands are small, are they yours, did they come from you?

All these questions unanswered, I just don’t know what to do

Somehow I miss a person, I’ve never even met

My Mother says you’re evil, you took drugs and liked to bet

But my Mother let bad things happen, nothing did she do

Yet she tells me you’d be bad for me, the bad parent would be you

I just wish that I could see you once and maybe get some answers

I just want to talk to you I promise not to badger

But surely you can understand I feel I’m missing part of me

I’ll never know why you disappeared but waiting I will always be

10 Comments »

Open eyes and open mind

Just because something’s different doesn’t mean that it is wrong

Just because a piece doesn’t fit your puzzle doesn’t mean it doesn’t belong

We all have different hearts different souls and different minds

If you stop to care and question many answers may you find

Tall or short big or small white or black or other

We could be so happy if we just accepted one another

Our differences aren’t things of which one should be ashamed

Your opinion isn’t something for which you should ever be blamed

For what makes us different is what make life interesting and true

So I challenge those who think that way, watch the actions that you choose

And the words you speak to those you deem inappropriate

For if we were all the same the world would be grey and disproportionate

If you approach this world with an open heart and with an open mind

There’s literally untold treasures that you will be able to find

Beauty lies in different forms and it’s truly all around

But only when ones eyes are open can such beauty be found

6 Comments »

A world of me and you

The sun pierces through the blinds, painting railtracks on your skin

I softly nuzzle against you, take a breath and hold you in

Your sweat smells sweet and your body amazing by light

If this were a battle I’d have lost the fight

But angst is not present here I’m at peace by your side

Thoughts of last night flash, of when you were inside

I’m taken back to moments of pure and utter bliss

You mutter in your sleep as though your dreams have gone amiss

I gently stroke your hair and whisper “baby it’s ok”

A smile crosses your lips as though you know what I have to say

I watch you quietly as a mouse your breathing in and out

A surge of love washes over me, the sudden urge to shout

Shout from rooftops or to God above ‘thank you for this man’

Instead I smile quietly and for the day I plan

For I know you’ll be beside me in whatever it is I do

For years it’s been and years to come, a world of me and you

2 Comments »

Angry fists and broken plates – a reading

This is a reading of my poem angry fists and broken plates

If it shows up as “download” just click on the title and on my page there will be an audio bar, no download.

Peace 🙂

Angry fists and broken plates

7 Comments »

Break from the pain

There is a word outside of pain

It’s somewhere we can all be sane

Somewhere that we’re understood

Somewhere there’s less bad, more good

It’s not that far away you see

It’s inside of you, inside of me

It’s somewhere in the choices we make

It’s there in the steps we need to take

For those of us with this illness

The demons come out in the stillness

We hide ourselves, far away

We don’t know to who but we still pray

For just a moment of peace

For some kind of release

From the aching inside of us

We can do it with just a little trust

Trust each other and choose the light

It wont just magically be alright

But slowly you will see

A light shining within you and me

We just have to shut it down

Not choose to sit and mope around

I know how scary it can be

When your mind is laced with insanity

But we have more power than we believe

Walk out the door, choose to leace

Just push yourself to do the simple things

You’ll be amazed at what peace it brings

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