mckarlie

I have happiness in my heart and a thorn in my soul

Letters to a stranger

Dear Dad, I know I never met you, you’ve never been in my life

You barely knew my Mother not your girlfriend nor your wife

But I have so many questions, some things I’d like to know

I wonder what you look like what your job is where you go

From day to day the people you see and those who you surround

I wonder why you never came to see me, why you never came around

It makes me wonder if there’s always been a fault under my skin

But logically I know it’s not me I just don’t know where to begin

My Grandpa once told me that I have my Father’s eyes

And I’m pretty sure things Mum said about you were nothing more than lies

She’s scared of me finding you and I can’t help but wonder why

I wish you would have said hello so I could have at least said goodbye

It feels as though there’s pieces of me scattered all over the place

I wonder what I inherited from you and if I have your face

My hands are small, are they yours, did they come from you?

All these questions unanswered, I just don’t know what to do

Somehow I miss a person, I’ve never even met

My Mother says you’re evil, you took drugs and liked to bet

But my Mother let bad things happen, nothing did she do

Yet she tells me you’d be bad for me, the bad parent would be you

I just wish that I could see you once and maybe get some answers

I just want to talk to you I promise not to badger

But surely you can understand I feel I’m missing part of me

I’ll never know why you disappeared but waiting I will always be

10 Comments »

Undeserved affliction

I hear his car pull in the drive

I run to my room and try to hide

I don’t yet know of his demeanour

But yesterday he was certainly meaner

Than I’ve ever seen before

He knocked me down onto the floor

I remember it in flashes and stills

He’s been out drinking he’s had his thrills

I turn off the lights and lay silent

I hope he’s too tired to be violent

I hear him yell from the door

Please God I can’t take much more

Thud thud thud, his boots up the hall

I hear him fall against the wall

He swears as he corrects himself

It looks like the beast will show itself

I hear him crash against my door

I hold my breath and count till four

On five he falls into my room

And in the air I sense my doom

He stumbles over and grabs my hair

I scream for help but no one’s there

He smiles as he yanks me from my bed

Punched first in the stomach, then in the head

I try my best to fight him back

He laughs at me while my tears they track

Down my swollen cheek so red

He kneels down and hits me again in the head

I feel so weak against his might

What did I do to warrant this fight

Somehow time starts to speed up

Soon he will have had enough

He kicks me as he calls me shit

Tells me I’m not worth one bit

He wouldn’t drench me if I were on fire

He kicks my side and starts to tire

I lay on the floor, weeping and heaving

Soon enough he stumbles, he’s leaving

I’m bruised and battered, left for dead

Help was the only word I’d said

But somehow he made me believe

I deserved the things he did to me

15 Comments »