mckarlie

I have happiness in my heart and a thorn in my soul

Pinned down

You bend and break to mold my will

You keep me paused you hold me still

You pin my wings and hold me down

A twisted means to keep me bound

Caught by what I thought was care

But love’s not present anywhere

You set your trap and in I fell

Your poker face was held so well

And now I’m stuck here on the floor

I don’t want you anymore

But as I turn you twist the knife

Surely you see this isn’t right

Set me free and leave me be

You can’t have me for eternity

A wicked game you chose to play

You set me free, then make me stay

You let me move, then pin me down

And so we dance, round and round

This isn’t love, this isn’t true

How can you want me tied to you?

I break away, make my escape

You try again to keep me in place

But this time I’m stronger, I am free

I’ll never let you back to see

That even though I broke apart

You still have a small piece of my shattered heart

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Nose to nose

Your beautiful eyes, soft pale skin

I cannot wait to get you in

I move forward, your smile wry

We just stare for just a little while

Inspecting every curve and fold

Beneath is the key to bliss untold

You’re surprised by the soft of my hair

You stroke it as our bodies lay bare

Face to face and nose to nose

The currant that’s between us grows

Swiftly you’re up above me

Whispering in my ear that you love me

Suddenly, my head’s thrown back

Soft kisses down my neck you track

I’ve never felt this full and whole

I’m loving this, I’m getting bold

Our passion peaks our bodies writhe

I’ve lost all sense of space and time

After the apex our bodies relax

You trace your fingers down my back

Warm bodies hot lungs grappling for air

Even from behind me I feel your stare

You pull me tight, the sweet release

Has left us empty, now time for sleep

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You were gone

I wish that you could see, that the blame is not on me

I wish that you could see, all the harm you caused to me

You were the one that was meant to be there

But when I called, you weren’t anywhere

You were the one to love me, when all others were gone

But you left me alone and broken

What could I have done so wrong?

You wanted me to be like you, but I was something else

So you moved on to another, and left me on a shelf

Too difficult to deal with, who cares for such a thing

I was just a child, I didn’t think to bring

Armor to my own home, protection from your care

‘Cause you were meant to keep me safe, but you weren’t anywhere

All those times he hurt me, I cried out for your help

But you didn’t come running and I couldn’t help myself

He was strong and angry, I was small and frail

The fact that you don’t love me stings as my greatest fail

And now I can’t forgive you but I can do better than you did

The life that grew inside me is the reason that I live

Your mistakes will not be my own

Your ways will not carry on within my home

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Moments in time

From far away, ‘cross land and sea

You took great steps to be with me

In a dark room with big bright eyes

You made your way between my thighs

Wrapped around you, I came undone

There was no sleep there was no sun

We made the whole world disappear

So you and I could keep so near

We took the key and locked the door

I’d never wanted something more

Still morning came, and life beckoned

I held onto you, just one more second

One more moment, one more hour

You stole my heart and with it my power

I bit your lip, you broke my will

You navigate me with determined skill

You closed your eyes, I broke away

We made plans for another day

Inside that room you changed me

Back in the world it was plain to see

You’d become my drug, and I was oh so high

A voice kept nudging me, I had to say goodbye

We tried again, dark room big bright eyes

But this time we could not disguise

Some flames burn bright but not for long

And you and I did not belong

We were but blissful moments in time

You were never meant to be kept as mine

With hearts sullen we said goodbye

We were but a handful of moments in time

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Finished for another day

I hear the footsteps down the hall

I hide my face, my stomach falls

I hear a thump and then a thud

But he manages to get back up

The door swings open, I cry out “no”

He grunts “c’mon girl it’s time to go”

He stumbles over and grabs my feet

I hold on tight beneath my sheet

Pulled to the floor from my safe warm bed

He lays a smack upon my head

“You’re gonna learn this time” he says

My heart is pounding, I start to beg

I cry and scream “please no, I’m sorry”

But he carries on without a worry

The first few hurt but then I’m numb

Just shut your mouth, he’ll soon be done

I take my knocks and pull away

He seems finished for another day

Rolled up in a ball, I continue to cry

He wipes his brow and with a smile wry

He tells me that I’m pathetic and sad

All I can say is “I’m sorry Dad”

He slams the door behind him

His footsteps fade away

I stay still and thank the Lord

He’s finished for another day

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Bruised and Broken

You felt me grow inside you and when they pulled me from your womb

There was a clap of thunder and all the light left the room

You said that it was destined, that it was meant to be

Who knew the thorn wedged in your side would turn out to be me

With short blonde hair and big brown eyes you showed me as your prize

But your pretty doll was broken when seen through others eyes

Never paused for too long you had a need to run

Towards any distraction, towards the newest kind of fun

One day you picked your toy up from the shelf on which it sat

But found it bruised and broken so you chose to put it back

On that shelf I sat, and waited all those years

And slowly watched unravel all my nightmares, all my fears

For you had found a brand new toy to show off as your prize

Shiny new and beautiful through anybody’s eyes

Moving on and loving the new life that you’d begun

I wish I could have been enough to always be your one

Black and bruised upon the shelf, forgotten in some time

That I was ever yours, and you were ever mine

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Big Tall Man

big tall man with your long drawn frown, your words trying to pull me down

you make yourself small by comparing to all, the talents you wish that you had

you set your sights upon those who primp and who pose, their perfection you desperately seek

with a smile on your face you’re sure you’ve put me in my place, the idiot girl is so weak

i’ve no merit to you, i’m but mud ‘neath you’re shoe, who holds regard for such a freak

but i found my voice and with it my choice to stand up and dare say you’re wrong

you may feel above me but others who know me remind me i truly belong

with my back turned you know that i’ve spurned the knife you tried to in place

the true difference between, me and you is i’m able to stand face to face

so go on tall man with your long drawn frown, you’ll find no peace with me

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