I have happiness in my heart and a thorn in my soul

The nature of loneliness

on July 22, 2014

Being lonely is one of the most unpleasant feelings a person can have. It’s like the worst catch 22, you’re lonely so you need company but the feelings that come with being lonely seldom appeal to the masses and make us shiny sparkling examples of social wonder. We end up feeling alone and unworthy, that we deserve these feelings. It’s so wrong, the way our mind plays these nasty tricks on us. I guess negativity breeds negativity, when we are feeling down and truly need some good feelings is when we are incapable of generating positive feelings within ourselves.

What effect does loneliness have on you?

I find I shut myself off from the world all the more when I’m feeling isolated and alone. I fester all these thoughts and feelings that I deserve my loneliness and end up in my own little pit of despair. I’ve always had this default reaction to negative things that happen to me, that i deserve it somehow. For years I made excuses for my Mother’s men that had hurt me when I was little, I would say ‘yes he did beat me up many times but I was such a nightmare teen’ or ‘I was so hard to handle as a teenager, I would probably have wanted to beat me up too’. It’s so reductive but so common, especially if you’ve grown up being told you’re a piece of crap, you believe it.

Can we break these patterns? Can we adjust our default settings? Can you feel lonely and instead of convincing yourself it’s deserved and hiding out in your own little emotional cave tell yourself that everyone gets lonely and what you really need is to catch up with some friends or just get out of the house for a while, surround yourself with life and living.

YES!!! We absolutely can adjust these behaviours. Problem being, it’s hard work. And it’s the hardest kind of hard work, emotional hard work on ourselves.

Do you sometimes find yourself giving advice to other people that if you thought about it you would struggle to follow yourself? I used to, quite often. I think it’s a lot easier to map life out for others, or to come up with solutions for other people, but when it comes to dealing with our own issues and fixing ourselves, it feels almost impossible sometimes. But the fact is, we are all capable of adjusting our negative behaviours and we alone are responsible for it.

Now we just need to figure out where to begin…

4 responses to “The nature of loneliness

  1. words4jp says:

    You and I think a lot alike. I am good at lonely. And you are right. It is a catch 22 – one that has pretty much back fired. It’s as if once you are in the pit, you cannot get out. An you sink lower and lower.

  2. Rose says:

    Oh, McKarlie…so good to “see” you again! Loneliness has been to the extremes for me lately, what with health problems keeping me housebound. And at times I do, yes, think I deserve it, but sometimes and usually I can talk myself out of it. I hope you are well. Best always, Rose

    • mckarlie says:

      Hey gorgeous, sorry you’re having a rough time, you deserve loveliness. I’m going to have a read and catch up on your blog, I’ve had problems with my email but will get it sorted soon xo

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