mckarlie

I have happiness in my heart and a thorn in my soul

What effect do you have on others and do you give a shit?

on November 19, 2013

I’ve recently been taking more chances, I stepped out of my comfort zone and pitched a few articles for a mainly mens site as they advertised for writers. The way it works is they have a forum, with different threads and areas for different stages of pitch and editorial. You post your pitch to the thread and then a moderator or administrator responds with feedback on how it could be improved and then it gets discussed at their meeting and either more feedback is given or it moved forward for publishing.

The problem with this forum format is that every man and his dog has access to your pitch, and there are some heavy egos in play in this place. They have a “karma” system where people give and take karma depending on whether they like what you say, I’ve been a member for just over a week and i’m currently minus 7 karma, haha! It’s all because I dared be a female with an opinion. I made a pitch, albeit not my best work but I was just having a crack, and a few douchebags jumped all over me. They were really harsh about it and basically were begging for moderator approval themselves. The fact is, they aspire to be a moderator and feel they should give ‘advice’ when the fact is they haven’t even had any articles published themselves. Crazy right? One of them came in and told me the title sucked, the material is overdone and my sources were shit. I said hey, that’s pretty harsh and a shitstorm erupted.

Since then, there have been some lovely people comment on the post and some really truly terrible people comment on the post, and it makes me wonder – how much do we think/care about how what we say and do affects other people?

My main issue with the site was that the “advice” i was being given was done so in a belittling fashion, he then claimed that he was just a writer trying to discuss ideas with another writer but that isn’t what happened. It’s about their egos, and let’s remember how hard it is to create something and put your ideas out there AT ALL, it’s horrifying lol and to have people be SO negative about it is just unnecessary.

I’ve noticed most people tend to fall into one of two categories – some people are self aware and think about how they affect other people, and genuinely care. This is not to say they don’t mess up sometimes and hurt other people, but generally they tend to be mindful of people’s feelings and keep a track of how they make people feel. And then there’s the people who have self esteem issues and feel it necessary to bring others down to make themselves feel big and strong. They come in swinging their big opinions round like a dick in the wind and make sure they let you know that they’re better than you somehow.

How many people do you know that are the latter? It’s not something that’s specific to men, women do it just as much but in this particular scenario I’ve been dealing primarily with men. It’s their boys club and I’m a crazy emotional bitch for standing up for myself.

I often muse over why we can’t all just get along, I’ve written quite a few posts about this. I truly believe if we are all a little more self aware and try to care just a little more about others, than the world would be so much better than it is. Sure, we all have our issues, I’m bipolar, i have social anxiety and i was abused as a kid. I have self esteem issues and don’t feel good enough sometimes, but I try not to take that out on other people, i try not to make others feel small to make myself feel better.

Maybe you’re someone who does this but doesn’t realize, that’s why i think it’s important for all of us to take a step back sometimes and just think about how we act, how we treat people and what motivates us. That’s really key, what’s behind our actions? It’s what i’ve been using to try and combat my bipolar, sometimes it’s hard to draw a line in the sand and know what behaviours are mine and what behaviours are stemming from the bipolar, so i step back and analyze what and why, try to figure out if i’m being reasonable or if it’s my condition acting on my behalf. If we all did this, we would make more of a positive impact than a negative one, and just imagine how much nicer life would be if our interactions were more positive than negative.

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12 responses to “What effect do you have on others and do you give a shit?

  1. words4jp says:

    You are right. There are two sets of people or shall I say personalities. I am certain there are more but the two you mentioned seem to be the most prevalent. Your experience with this ‘male’ site made me think of all of the talented writers in the world who wrote under a male pseudonym.

  2. shoe1000 says:

    If I provoke anyone’s unconscious fear or pain, what they usually do is lash out at me.
    I like the idea of a pseudonym.
    I write my blog under one.
    You read my ideas and if you werent a consistent reader, you might not always think I was a man.
    Keep it up my friend.

  3. The best anyone can do it jog someone’s memory – being – self – imagination to get them to look at something they’re intimate with anew. Some people can do that with a joke, humor, being straight- forward or sometimes mean. I listen to it all, because sometimes someone who doesn’t know what he’s talking about, may.

    • mckarlie says:

      And sometimes someone who thinks they know exactly what they’re talking about, has no idea.

      I think we should be more concerned with our own actions as opposed to trifling with other people’s πŸ™‚

  4. Rose says:

    Oh, Miss McKarlie, how I do love your thoughts and ideas. If you want a friendly critique, I’d be happy to give you one. πŸ˜€

  5. Ann Koplow says:

    Great post. I’m so glad I discovered your blog today.

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