mckarlie

I have happiness in my heart and a thorn in my soul

So I spoke to the root of my issues…..my Mother

on October 14, 2013

We recently went on a family holiday, it was a seven hour drive. We packed up the car the night before and at seven thirty the next morning hubby myself and the kids left for a beach on the south east coast of new south wales. Somewhere in the middle of nowhere my clutch went on my car and i panicked, i had to pay $250 for roadside assistance and $380 for a rental car, plus the rental car company held a few hundred on my account, add to this the actual repair of the clutch (normally around $700) we were pretty screwed. Stuck in the middle of nowhere in australia is a pretty bad place to be stuck, the RACV van turned up after nearly two hours and loaded my car onto his truck, advised me he had a battery to start a few miles away. A few miles turned into half an hour towards our destination, he then got another call out and another, we ended up being in his van for about four hours before going backwards about 80 kilometers from where we broke down. We got the rental car at about 7 at night and because we were so nice about being in his truck for so long and the kids were so well behaved, he agreed to knock a hundred and fifty off our repair, but we were still not in a great situation financially, we just didn’t have enough budgeted for all that had gone wrong.

In my panic on the roadside i called my mother. I think it’s an innate thing, when you feel like you’re fucked beyond belief you reach out to those who are MEANT to love you and be there when things get truly messed up. I called her and asked her for help and she wasn’t able to, but it opened the door for her to correspond with me so that’s been interesting.

In the end i asked my best friend, i really didn’t want to ask her for different reasons but she really came through for us and was brilliant about it. Didn’t make me feel like shit for asking, didn’t make a fuss over it at all (like my Mother did) she just said yes and asked for account details. She’s like the sister i wish i had, and at a time when my Mother had me feeling like a piece of shit she made me feel a bit better by showing me she cares.

The holiday itself was a bit of a nightmare, the kids had a good time which is what’s important, but i had to reign in spending a fair bit and was stressed for a lot of it not knowing if my friend could come through as i hadn’t yet asked, and dealing with my mother, it was hard. Not long ago i sent this woman a letter outlining how she’d broken my heart by letting multiple and repeated abuse occur to me throughout my childhood and by judging me so harshly as an adult, then in my hour of need i call her asking for help! WTF right. I felt like a trapped rat and i was desperate to make the holiday happen for my kids, we’d already paid for the holiday park so it would have been pissing away even more money if we’d have somehow turned around and gotten home. Something new to us as well, in this region of australia, they have things called paralysis tics, small blood sucking creatures that look like funky head lice that burrow into your skin. The first night there was a write off as we arrived just after 9:30 at night, but the second night we went into town and had dinner and when we returned my eldest daughter came out of the bathroom complaining that her head hurt and she had a lump and red mark on it. I asked if she’d bumped it and she couldn’t recall doing so. I looked closer and it was a lump with a red rash around it with a white mark in the middle and a brown dot in the white mark, I had a look at it and i thought she must have had some tree bark embedded in her head or something, i got my tweezers and pulled it out and was shocked to find a small critter in my tweezers. OMG! I had just pulled an insect out of my child’s forehead, it was so so freaky. I called my friend in melbourne and she googled tic bites for me, so i called the local hospital and asked if she needed to go in and they said yes, bring her in.

We arrived at this tiny hospital and by the time i had finished filling out the form a very handsome doctor brought us through to emergency. I took the little tic with us and they inspected it to conclude i had gotten the head out of her (apparently getting the head out is very important and if you don’t it causes all kinds of issues) – they told us she should be ok but if she had flu symptoms within a week to see a doctor. She was quite unwell the next day, tired and somewhat grumpy, not wanting to partake in activities and what not so i hung out with her while hubby and our other daughter did activities run by the holiday park. She perked up the next day and had a bit of fun before we packed up the rental car and left.

So now i owe my friend money, still have to repay a small loan we got last month when my sister emptied our account and have my mother making contact. I’m not spiraling or anything but it’s not an ideal situation. This is when i use all of our spare money for christmas for the kids and i just don’t know how i’m going to pull it together this year. So that’s a worry as well.

We really liked the place we went on holiday though, it had kangaroos all around our cabin and other adorable wildlife, under better circumstances we would love to go back. We would better plan the 7 hour drive, although on the way there it took 14 hours to get there all up so it couldn’t take that long again lol OH MY!

I hope all of you are doing well and dealing with a bit less shit than i am, and if you are, share! It helps to talk about things. I hope none of this has come across as whining because yes, i hate financial issues and it’s shit, but it’s showed me i have a good friend who loves me and will help me out in a jam, my kids had a good holiday except for the dirty tic and my car has a new clutch, so there are some positives that have come out of it. Usually this kind of thing would have my bipolar flare and I’d spiral into a depressive issue feeling overwhelmed but i haven’t broken yet and i’m kind of proud of that, especially considering how tentative things were just last month for me. Mwa xo

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12 responses to “So I spoke to the root of my issues…..my Mother

  1. words4jp says:

    Oh my. What an incredible ordeal and the strength you have shown- I would gave fallen apart when the car fell apart. I am happy you are home safe and I hope your daughter is getting over the tick thing. xx

  2. Wonder Llama says:

    Dear me, I’d heard about the car issue but not the rest of it.
    That sounds pretty frickin unpleasant!

  3. luciddream85 says:

    Did your mother ever make mention of the letter?

  4. Sounds like such a mixed bag of stuff to deal with- well done you for staying strong! x

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