I have happiness in my heart and a thorn in my soul

Not a bad day

on July 15, 2013

Everything kind of climaxed yesterday, a few friends have flaked on me lately (real life AND wordpress ones) and things were very icy with hubby, it’s when things get like this that I tend to spiral, i end up in my own den of woe and instead of clawing up the walls (i got an image from labyrinth then for some reason, when she’s falling and all the hand face things are holding her) i tend to just let myself fall, into a pit of despair.

This time i monitored myself a little more, decided that i can’t control what my friends do and if they want to be douchey then fair enough, i think i’m a good person and ultimately they’ll miss out on what i have to offer. I spoke to husband maturely and with humility and we worked things out, brought it back from the brink. I’m still kind of bummed about my friend situation but there is something about me that drives a lot of people away, maybe i’m overbearing, maybe i care too much and it’s weird, who knows, i still have my good friends and very little could shake those friendships, so i’ll just be thankful for what i do have and try not to bitch out over what i don’t or could.

I saw a dermatologist this morning as i’ve had another flare up of psoriasis (happens from stress and during winter, went nuts when i lived in england) and he’s started me on UV treatment which i feel really positive about. I’m about to have lunch with my best friend and i found her a beautiful bone china three tiered cake stand that i think she’s going to LOVE, and even better, i went to pay $30 for it and it scanned for $20! Oh how i love a bargain, it gives me a weird little thrill, i’m such a geek lol but it’s true, it’s the little things, right?

So, as much as the depression is nipping at my heels and i’m certainly not as ‘up’ as i was a couple of weeks ago, i’m trying my utmost to stay positive. I see my psych doc tonight and i’m hoping he’ll increase the dose of one of my meds which i believe will help pull me back up again, i’m already on quite a high dose so i don’t know how it will go but fingers crossed.

I hope everyone else is managing to stave off the darkness too! Peace

12 responses to “Not a bad day

  1. davidconfidential says:

    Glad to hear things are getting better. I’m still trying to fight the darkness here. Been feeling really snappy. Need to get myself out of this hole

  2. mudtherapist says:

    glad to hear you are not giving in to the despair! It can be so challenging to keep from falling into that pit, but so rewarding when things start to turn around. I admire your courage!!

    • mckarlie says:

      Thank you so much. Despair becomes a default setting for a lot of us, we have to manually change our behaviors and fight for our happy πŸ™‚

  3. DD Latebloomer says:

    Stay strong! These times shall pass.

  4. Reading what you post makes me feel better just knowing I am not alone. Your words always mean so much to me and the fact is you were the first person on here who followed me and it is so amazing just knowing that someone wants to listen can make such a huge difference.

    • mckarlie says:

      That’s so incredibly encouraging, you’re so very sweet. How have you been doing? Blogging helping? I sometimes miss posts but am always around if you need an ear πŸ™‚

      • It has helped I don’t post alot just cause its still hard for me to confront some issues. I have been doing good.

      • mckarlie says:

        Yeah it is really hard to dig down deep and pull out all the issues we have worked so hard to hide all this time, and once they are out we need to then deal with them. Baby steps lovely, keep at it and push yourself to get more and more honest and it will come πŸ™‚

  5. Chagall says:

    Maybe nutrition too? I can swing left to right based on what I eat. —–Chagall

    • mckarlie says:

      My nutrition is fairly consistent and I take supplements (have iron and vitamin d issues) – my sways are more emotion based, I eat quite well and don’t notice any chance diet wise πŸ™‚

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