I have happiness in my heart and a thorn in my soul

Undeserved affliction

on July 1, 2013

I hear his car pull in the drive

I run to my room and try to hide

I don’t yet know of his demeanour

But yesterday he was certainly meaner

Than I’ve ever seen before

He knocked me down onto the floor

I remember it in flashes and stills

He’s been out drinking he’s had his thrills

I turn off the lights and lay silent

I hope he’s too tired to be violent

I hear him yell from the door

Please God I can’t take much more

Thud thud thud, his boots up the hall

I hear him fall against the wall

He swears as he corrects himself

It looks like the beast will show itself

I hear him crash against my door

I hold my breath and count till four

On five he falls into my room

And in the air I sense my doom

He stumbles over and grabs my hair

I scream for help but no one’s there

He smiles as he yanks me from my bed

Punched first in the stomach, then in the head

I try my best to fight him back

He laughs at me while my tears they track

Down my swollen cheek so red

He kneels down and hits me again in the head

I feel so weak against his might

What did I do to warrant this fight

Somehow time starts to speed up

Soon he will have had enough

He kicks me as he calls me shit

Tells me I’m not worth one bit

He wouldn’t drench me if I were on fire

He kicks my side and starts to tire

I lay on the floor, weeping and heaving

Soon enough he stumbles, he’s leaving

I’m bruised and battered, left for dead

Help was the only word I’d said

But somehow he made me believe

I deserved the things he did to me

15 responses to “Undeserved affliction

  1. crissybwell says:

    Heartbreaking, but beautifully written. I am glad you can release these things in such a way. *hugs*

  2. Susan Rhodes says:

    I’m so sorry that you had to endure this kind of abuse. It’s very difficult to read, although, I read some of your other posts and it sounds like you have a wonderful partner in your life now. May God continue to bless your life today and always.

    • mckarlie says:

      Thank you so much, I do have a great partner of 12 years who has been with me while I hid it all away and acted a fool, and now while I confront all that’s happened 🙂

  3. matrixilluminos says:

    so vivid, your flashes must still be very bright…i hope they dull out as you release:)

    • mckarlie says:

      I don’t think the flashes will ever dull, but the ache in my heart that they cause definitely will, getting it all out there is giving me back my power 🙂

  4. if this has been written about your own experience then i am so sorry you endured that – it is a very emotive poem – well written

    • mckarlie says:

      This is unfortunately my own experience yes, but I’m finally confronting years of abuse from different sources. I guess when you grow up with it you assume it’s what you deserve, I know much better now 🙂

  5. limseeyee says:

    Mind follow me too??

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