mckarlie

I have happiness in my heart and a thorn in my soul

Sometimes it feels like i’m pissing up a flagpole

on June 26, 2013

Yep, i references ferris bueller, but honestly, that’s the most accurate analogy i could think of. I try my best to be friendly with people, i try to maintain my friendships and be kind to my friends, but sometimes it seems like no matter what you do, people will shit on you. My biggest problem is this, if someone does something wrong, fair enough, we all make mistakes, but don’t just blank me out and pretend you’ve done nothing or nothing happened, that’s what my Mother always did all those years she let me get abused and I can’t stand it in my adult life. If i fuck up, it may take me a little while to realize because i am human and flawed, but i will always throw my hand up and say hey, i’m sorry, i fucked up. Some people either don’t think they’ve done anything wrong, or just don’t care to rectify things.

A friend keeps saying we’ll catch up, and it never happens. Now, I’m not losing any sleep over this but why keep calling and texting me to arrange things only to keep cancelling? And i’m not just talking about once or twice, this has literally happened 9 times in a row now, i’ve not seen her for months, and she can’t understand why i’m bothered in the least. I dont want a pleading apology, no pity party here, just a bit of acknowledgement that her actions are a bit out of order and she’s continually wasting my time.

I’ve had another issue but I wont go into it ’cause i still don’t understand what happened with that friend, but i thought we were good, i thought everything was fine, then BAM, nothing, locked out as it were, and i’m just sitting here wondering, wtf. My initial inclination is to suspect that i’ve done something wrong, but i know for a fact i’ve done nothing to this person, so i don’t understand why they’ve not said a word to me.

Sometimes i feel like giving up on people and not trying anymore, that i’m just not a really relatable likeable person, and that’s why people act how they do, I just don’t know. I am definitely feeling a tad sorry for myself but i’m just frustrated, this is literally the best version of me i can be and it still doesn’t change how people treat me.

Advertisements

4 responses to “Sometimes it feels like i’m pissing up a flagpole

  1. Chagall says:

    Some people just plain suck – it’s not always you. Hearsay, misinterpretation, misinformation, social saboteurs!, all of these contribute to relationships falling off the rails for reasons we can’t comprehend. Engage them all and ask them outright – What’s up? —–Chagall

    • mckarlie says:

      Yeah that’s the same advice I’d give, just be open and honest and say hey, whats up?! thing is, i’ve done this quite a few times in the past and people tend to pretend that i’m just making things up, and make excuses which i know to be excuses but i just let it slide because i feel in confronting it, i’ve done all i can to remedy the situation. damned if you do and damned if you don’t kind of deal lol argh!

  2. luciddream85 says:

    People accuse me all of the time for being “cold”, and it’s true. When you get shit on so many times, you turn your back on everyone that you think may do it again. It’s a major reason I don’t get along with so many females; they have proven time and again that when they get mad, they turn on your in an instant. You do what you have to do to protect yourself. One thing I do know; they always try to come back to the friendship you once had. It’s up to you whether you let them in again, or not.

    • mckarlie says:

      There’s a fine line between protecting ourselves and shutting people out isn’t there? I find people in general can turn on a dime, I just hate not knowing. I’m going to give the girl who keeps canceling some space and not make plans till she sorts herself out. In the other case I decided to ignore it and just be friendly, I used to fight every battle but now I let some go 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: