I have happiness in my heart and a thorn in my soul

Monster in my bed

on June 12, 2013

I hear my Mother leave, so I pull the sheets above my head

The floorboards sound their warning ‘he’s coming to your bed’

Creak and creak I hear, step after step after step

My body goes still all of a sudden, and tightly I hold my breath

The door slowly opens, slithers of light pierce through the dark

I peak through the sheets and see him, his eyes wide and stark

He turns on the lamp – I see his body amp

“Hello precious” he murmurs, as he slithers across the floor

Pausing for a moment, he’s forgotten to shut the door

He makes his way over, I whimper “no” but it’s too late

Now his eyes are blazing, he’s chosen me for his plate

He sits himself at the end of my bed and quickly yanks the sheet

I see him rub his trousers then move his hands onto my feet

I hear his fettered breathing, moving his hand up my leg

I let out an infant whimper, he tells me not to beg

He puts his finger somewhere soft that it makes his hand feel rough

Now he’s laced with great enthuse, he cannot get enough

He seems to expect me to like it, but all I can do is cry

None of this seems right to me and I cannot figure out why

This man is touching part of me no one’s allowed to see

All I hear are tears and breath, it feels like something’s inside of me

In one foul swoop he jumps up, and lays right by my side

Moving me into position, I feel him move something along my thighs

It’s hard but soft and frightens me, he’s moaning in my ear

My body stiffens like a board, silent and frozen with fear

Suddenly he shoves back, letting out an unholy grunt

Standing up and wiping down he says “not a word you little cunt”

“Do you think Mummy would love you, if she knew how you’re a naughty girl

So keep your little mouth shut or I’ll destroy your whole damn world”

He leaves my room and shuts the door, sitting down to watch tv

I curl up in confusion and cry, what’s just happened here to me?

I’m scared so I stay quiet, I did not speak a word

And so for years and years it’s been, his sins have gone unheard

11 responses to “Monster in my bed

  1. Jessica Slavin says:

    Actually I dislike it, but like the courage to share it and the vivid horror of the poem. A monster like that should be jailed.

    • mckarlie says:

      i write to take back the power, and it took everything in me to write about this. a poem of this nature isn’t meant to be ‘liked’, it’s meant to be liberating, so i find it a little reductive to tell a person you dislike their writing. i only involve myself in others writing when i have something positive to share, not to be snarky, maybe that’s just me.

      • Jessica Slavin says:

        Oh no! I like the writing very much. I am sorry that I expressed myself unclearly. I didn’t intend to be snarky. I just wanted to say that by clicking like I did not mean I liked the story in the poem. Because it’s awful that it happens. But I like the writing, and the voice, and the courage to give voice to it.

      • mckarlie says:

        ahhh, i misunderstood completely. that’s very supportive of you, thanks. i understand how ‘liking’ that poem would feel odd, it’s such a horrid subject matter and paints a very confronting picture. thanks for clarifying 🙂

      • Jessica Slavin says:

        Thanks for writing and sharing it!

      • mckarlie says:

        You’re a doll, I appreciate your feedback, apologies for being defensive, misunderstandings are so easily achieved.

  2. cpsingleton42 says:

    That must have taken a lot of courage to write. Well done for that courage!
    Creating can exorcise past demons. Just remember what the monster did was not your fault. But I’m sure you already know that.
    I’m going to like this poem for the above reasons and that you convey it so well. Just keep creating.
    Hopefully one day the numbness will go and you will find peace.
    Take care.

    • mckarlie says:

      thanks matey, i did have to dig deep for this one. just putting it out there has given me peace unknown, it’s amazing. and i appreciate the positive feedback so much 🙂

  3. saniteeghost says:

    i write this with tears in my eyes, i work with people that suffered this experience everyday. monsters, yes. demons, with certainty

    i am astounded by your courage, mckarlie:) you are an inspiration

    • mckarlie says:

      wow, thank you so much, your response is touching. this was by far the hardest poem to write, thank you for your kind words, means a lot.

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